Have Your Want and Need It Too

What do you want, and how can you reconcile that with what you need? You want a fifty-two inch flatscreen, but you need to pay your rent. You want to take karate lessons, but you need to buy food. You want a bigger house, but you need to pay off your student loans.

This line, this versus, this conflict between want and need, it is artificial. It is a construct, a block, a dam, and it doesn't need to even exist. In short, it's bullshit.

Our society has created a sort of emotional/spiritual/ethical vacuum. We live in a culture of want. more specifically, I want. The status quo is to acquire something, and then work on acquiring the next link in the chain. Buy your first car, then start dreaming of the day when you can afford a better one. Buy your first TV, then start eyeballing the larger model. Get your first paycheck, then start asking yourself how you can make it bigger. This vacuum we've created is voracious. Before you know it, this void has forced you to prioritize your life according to what you want (aka, what you cannot have) and what you need. What you think you need.

The other devious effect our society has is to cloud our judgement regarding what 'need' even means. Is 'need' the things that your body will die without, like food and air? Is 'need' what makes you happy, like music and sex? Is 'need' what makes you better than other people, like education and money?

Let me be perfectly clear: When I say 'our society', I'm not vilifying the government, or the mega corporations. I'm not talking about some essentially faceless pseudo entity that is easy to hate and blame. I'm talking about you. Me. Our parents, their parents, and so on. We've all fostered this ridiculous mindset.

My contention is that what we want and what we need are in fact the same thing. My assertion is that convenience-oriented living, global media, corporate media, misconception, and ignorance have conspired to confuse and mislead us.

Simplify. Take a good, hard look at the conveniences in your life. How convenient are they, really? Is your car a godsend for getting you where you need to go? Does it weigh you down or worry you with payments, insurance, the price of fuel? That food you eat from the take out place: It was really fast and tasty, but is it nourishing you in any meaningful way? Do you actually, truly want food that is loaded with chemicals and processed beyond having meaningful nutritive value? All those little 'time-saver' gadgets in your house: How many minutes do they actually save you? Is it possible that instead of helping you handle a horrible chore, they are robbing you of a valuable experience?

But there it is: We've come to perceive anything that takes a minute off our clock without giving us an emotional high as work, and we've come to revile work. Work must be shunned, avoided, dealt with ASAP so we can get on to having fun, getting high.

The highs are artificial too.

I'm not saying people shouldn't be happy, or that happiness is a dream. What I'm saying is that to balance our perception of work as torture, we've created this idea that we must pursue FUN whenever possible. FUN isn't relaxing or being happy. FUN is not fun. FUN is getting high. We feel so oppressed by work in our daily lives, whether it is our job or the things we think of as chores or tasks at home, that we go and seek an extreme opposite so we can feel balanced. We have to plan elaborate, often expensive things to do to relieve us of how we feel most of the time. And of course, the cycle of FUN is often horrible:

Step one: Anticipate. Forget what you're doing and keep your mind focused on the time when FUN will arrive. Be excited for FUN. LONG for the day when you get to have FUN. Long so much it causes physical discomfort. This step can start months before FUN does.

Step two: FUN. Go do the FUN thing. This thing is often short lived, lasting only a day, or maybe even only a couple hours.

Step three: Mourn. The FUN happened, but now it's gone and you feel empty. More than empty though, you feel somehow robbed or cheated. You wish so much that FUN had not stopped. Wish it so much that you might get discomfort similar to that which you felt during step one.

Just like a junkie. I'm not high, and man, life sucks. I'm high and life is awesome! Oh man, I'm not high any more and life sucks.

When you were a kid, did you go through a similar cycle around Christmas time? Anticipating the day, being excited out of your mind on Christmas morning, then deflating when all the presents were opened, the food was eaten, and it was life as usual again?

A similar cycle happens with money and possessions. In our society, few, if any, things are ever enough. The TV is never big enough, the computer is never fast enough, the car is never nice enough, the house is never big enough, the income is absolutely never even close to big enough. So we hop on the wheel and get running. Chase more dollars, because if you get more dollars then you can get the next thing, and THEN it will be enough, right? You just need to get a house that's a little bit bigger, and it will be enough. You just need to get a car that's a little bit newer, and it will be enough. You just need to get one more step up the ladder at work, and your income will be big enough.

But it never is, is it?

You might realize, intellectually, that your Item X does what you ask it to, what it's intended for, what you need it to do for you. But for some reason, you want a new one. Item X has lost its shine, so to speak. That, my friend, is the vacuum. That vacuum created by society has sucked the value of Item X away from you and left you wanting Item Y.

The tragedy of all this is that people don't know why they feel so bad so often. They truly believe that "If I can just get this Thing, I will be happy". Then when they have the Thing, they are not happy for long, or in a meaningful way. And like that old definition of insanity, they think that if they get the Next Thing, THEN they will be happy. It just goes on and on.

Solving this problem isn't easy, and it's deeply personal. There is no one path that will make everyone happy. However, there are some practices that can help a person find their own path.

For instance, slow down. I'm not saying you have to live like I do (though that would help make *me* happy), just try letting your foot off the gas a bit. You don't have to throw your bread machine, blender, and microwave away, but maybe you could try not using them for a week. You don't have to sell your car, but why not try not using it for a week, or at least only using it for distances of greater than 5 miles (one way)?

Another effort that's worth giving is to look very very critically at your possessions. Weigh the value they add against what they take away. A microwave adds speed, but it takes away the experience of preparing a meal. If you have a lover, when is the last time you cooked a meal with them? Computers and cell phones connect you to the world... do you ever feel leashed to them? You have a certifiable crap-o-lanche gathering dust in your garage. Do you really need an object you haven't touched in more than a year (and likely forgot you owned)?

And of course, again, simplify. Simplicity is NOT a measurement of time. That microwave is not simple; it is a highly complex device that demands special attention. It saves you time, on the surface, but it demands that you feed it (and yourself) equally unsimple food-like products. To simplify, try doing what you do with the least complicated devices you can (this will probably NOT include all of those time-saving convenience gadgets). Use your body to accomplish as much as possible (take the stairs, hand wash something, carry your baby instead of using the stroller). Eat things that grew naturally from the earth and are not genetically modified by man. Try, when thoughts of the Next Thing You Need come into your mind, to realize exactly how that Thing will really impact your life. Consider all aspects. Is what It will replace really no good? How hard will you have to work to obtain It? Will It truly free you, or will it be just another distraction to help you forget how melancholy you feel? Will It truly make you happy, or is It just another high?

It is not easy to dissect your life like this. It takes a lot of self-directed critical thinking, and it is very emotional. If you persist, you will find along the way that you sabotage yourself by making excuses for the things you do, and sometimes even lying to yourself about how you feel. But if you can persist beyond that, if you can recognize the value added to your life when you step off the hamster wheel of artificially created and mandated WANT, then something truly amazing happens: Want and Need stop looking so different.

Once you've discovered what truly makes you happy, and what truly does not, your perception shifts. The more good things you do for yourself, your body, your family; the more necessary those good things become. The more you will want those good things. The healthier you become (in mind, body, spirit; it makes no difference), the more you will want to feed that feeling of healthiness. Essentially, once you start doing Right, you start wanting Right, and you start needing Right. You may even uncover some passion that you did not realize you had, and you may find that not only do you want to pursue it, you need to pursue it, and since you've stripped away all that was wrong for you in your life, you will find that you have the time and motivation to pursue it.

As per usual, I'm pretty sure I missed half the points I wanted to make when I started this blog. I hope this one made sense.

Takin' It Down a Notch

Anyone who's reading this probably is aware of the efforts of my wife and I to live in a way that makes minimal impact on our planet. We shun plastic, don't use toilet paper, don't buy packaged food, and reuse everything we can think of a way to reuse. We aren't perfect yet, but we're working on it :)

This blog isn't about that part of green living. It's not about the climate crisis. I wanted to take a minute to talk about the impact living this way has on my life. Not my body, my Life.

My efforts to live a simpler life have had a wonderful unexpected effect: I feel like everything's been turned down a notch.

I look out my apartment window any hour of the day or night and I see traffic. I remember driving, it's only been a couple months since I gave it up. I remember getting in my car and thinking ahead to where I was going. I wasn't thinking about where I was; what I was doing at the moment. I mean, I payed attention to the road as much as the next guy, but I didn't focus my whole mind on driving. I imagine that few do. I simply used the car as means to an end. I didn't want to waste my time getting to a place, I just wanted to be there; that attitude made traffic unbearable, but that's just part of life, right? You wanna go somewhere, you gotta get stuck in traffic sometimes.

I wonder how many hours of my Life I missed by focusing so hard on the destination and railing against where I was.

Now I walk almost everywhere I go. I spend a lot more time getting where I'm going. A mile takes 15-45 minutes, depending on the pace I choose. But that's not the major difference. The major difference is where my mind is. It's with me, not waiting for me at my destination. Part of that certainly comes from the slower travel speed; I have time to actually see my surroundings, the birds, the trees, the buildings, the people. But I think that the bigger reason is that there is no inherent tension in walking as transportation. There is a basic, perhaps primal, relaxing effect of moving my body at a natural pace. There's a sense of independence. I own this body, and I can drive it how I want. There's a sense of freedom; I can move it wherever I want. I think that as a culture we have built a lot of stress and pressure into driving. Financial pressures from the cost of purchasing the car, the maintenance, the fuel, the insurance. Stress from the clock: we have these vehicles capable of transporting us long distances in short time, and we've gotten in the habit of giving ourselves as little time as possible to get somewhere, so many of us are always running late. Then there's the legal aspects; all the rules and regulations to obey from maintaining your lights to staying in the proper lane, speed limits, pedestrian crossings, left turn arrows, etc. And the speed limit is never high enough, is it? And driving certainly brings out the competitive nature in many folks. I've heard more than one friends say, "This asshole won't pass ME." Hell, I've said that myself.

We are supposedly a nation that loves our cars. But who actually likes to drive, honestly? I bet they're in the minority.

But that's not the only improvement living a 'lower impact' lifestyle has made.

We do all our laundry by hand now. Well, most of it gets done by foot, in the bathtub. This saves us money (building washer/dryer are each $2.75/load; water is included in our rent). Saving a few bucks is nice, but it's not really a factor in why washing by hand is better. I'd say washing a load, from when I start stomping to when it's all hung on the rack, takes 30 minutes. It might take more, but I've never timed it. The magic of it is that for 30 minutes (or whatever) my brain decompresses. I let go of the brain reins and just let it run. Sometimes I work over philosophical issues. Sometimes I think about financial issues. Sometimes I think about my relationship to my wife. Sometimes childhood memories. One time I did an entire wash and when I was done I couldn't remember thinking about anything, or even doing the wash. I do NOT spend the wash time thinking about what I have to do next. Every time I finish the wash, I feel calm, rational, peaceful. I get a similar good feeling from doing the dishes by hand, though usually not as deep or profound as from doing laundry because the dishes only take about 5 minutes.

There is an important aspect of Zen philosophy that when simplified goes like this: Be where you are. It means don't be thinking about all the stops you have to make between work and home when you're eating breakfast before work, think about eating breakfast; taste your food. Don't think about how today is the last day of your weekend and you have so much work to do tomorrow, enjoy what you're doing on your day off. Don't think about what you're going to say when your lover finishes their sentence, listen to what your lover is saying to you.

It's not easy for everyone. We live in such a fast-paced society that puts a HEAVY emphasis on what's Next. What are you doing tomorrow? What are you doing after work? What's the next step in your career? This American pacing demands that SOMETHING comes next. There is no time to sit and enjoy, to dawdle or meander, because we must get to the next thing.

Perhaps there are people out there who, deep down, really like to live like that and can find satisfaction, deep, meaningful satisfaction, in that way of life. Perhaps. I doubt. Instead, I believe that such pacing, such emphasis on what's next is frighteningly detrimental to the health of people; physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I mean, I'm pretty sure I've become less of an asshole just in the few months since we started down this path. I'm becoming a better listener. I'm more inclined to read something twice and take a few minutes to think about it before I spout off some negative, reactionary statement. I'm more inclined than perhaps I've ever been to think about why somebody else does a thing before I dismiss them as a useless retard. And all of these changes have led to a more positive self image; I'm not perfect, but it's becoming easier and more enjoyable to spend time with myself. Nice, since I'm sorta stuck with me.

Living simpler, greener, like a hippy in a commune, however you want to label it, won't make you a Zen master, and it won't solve all your problems. But from my own admittedly brief experience, I believe that it helps. I believe it is conducive to a calmer, more rational, more compassionate mindset. Add that to the positive impact it has on health and environmental issues and you just can't lose.